paul carty is my muse

the creation of http://schoolboysage.blogspot.com/ by loyal follower mr paul carty (aka eaglephile)has inspired me to start blogging again even though i am no longer enjoying retirement now that i am back residing in the commonwealth of massachusetts. to be continued. 

t minus 21 hours

for the 2nd time in two months, i cut my tongue open on the aluminum foil of my yogurt. i pulled it back quickly without realizing the foil ripped and had jagged edges, and eagerly licked the cherry yogurt. i felt the slice. then i felt it start bleeding. it was not pleasant. 

i am leaving my roommates & my very enjoyable retired life in the Land of Lincoln in less than 21 hours. i have yet to begin actually packing. i have some clothes on the floor & that's about it. 

one thing i am definitely packing are my jumpsoles - i've been a failure in that department recently and need to spend a good amount of time focusing on my 2009 goal once i get settled back in the Commonwealth. 

meeting secondcitygirl06

after emailing with the girl from match.com for a few weeks, i decided to go meet her for a drink tonight in downtown chicago. it was an interesting night to say the least...here's the background and the date recap...

i received an email from secondcitygirl06 on friday, april 24th saying:

"Hi, is funny how much we have in common. I'd love to learn a little more about you. I see you like playing golf; what is your handicap? I've tried to keep my handicap as low as it was in college but its hard with work and school. Lets trade emails a bit to get to know each other and if we're both up for it, we can grab a drink some evening. Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Sarah"

(note that i could not read this email from sarah until i paid $34.99 for a one month subscription, which i did because i'm a complete sucker)

at first, like i said before, i thought it was carter trying to play a cruel joke on me. i bombarded him with questions and made him swear that he did not create this girl on match.com (i did, however, get him to admit that he was planning on creating a fake girl account to mess with me - he even showed me the picture he was going to use for the girl). he was pretty adamant that he was telling the truth & i was pretty convinced that this girl was legit. i was definitely curious and interested in meeting sarah, especially because she got in touch with me. even though i'm moving, i figured it couldn't hurt to email her back. so i did. and she responded a couple days later. 

"Hey! It was great to hear back from you. I'm right in the middle of MBA finals, which explains why it took me a few days to respond. Work has definitely taken a toll on my handicap. I was a 7 in high school. I played as a freshman and sophomore, but I blew out my knee at the start of junior year and wasn't able to play for the rest of high school. I did make it to one Cubs game back on the 21st, which was lots of fun except for the cold weather. 

I'm so jealous, I've always wanted to see Wilco in concert, but I've never had the chance. 

I'm from a suburb of detroit originally. MSU was awesome. I was in a sorority - does BC have fraternities and sororities? - and it was so great. A lot of my sorority sisters are in Chicago and we're still really good friends. 

I'd love to meet up for a drink with you, although the next two weeks are kind of hectic for me with my study schedule and then finals. I know its kind of far out, but do you want to meet for drinks on Friday May 15th?"

i responded with some small talk, about how we were at the same Cubs game on the 21st, blah blah blah. i said i'd love to meet up for a drink but i'm out of town the weekend of may 15th for my sister's college graduation. 

her response:

"I totally understand having to attend graduation. I had to do it a few times myself. Well how bout sometime during the week before then? Say that Wednesday?"

i said sure. let's meet on wednesday the 13th. 

her reply on May 10th:

"Hey, hope this email finds you well. I am looking forward to meeting you this Wednesday. I'm going to be downtown at a networking event on Wednesday and was thinking we could have a drink at Rockit Bar at around 7:30-8pm. Does that time work for you?

Sarah"

ok, so i'm moving to boston in 10 days...do i really want to meet this girl?! it's probably not worth it - i'm moving and i think it would be a waste of her time. i decide to be (somewhat) honest & tell her that i'm moving to boston for grad school on relatively quick notice. thinking that i was in the clear, i was surprised when she wrote back and said:

"Brendan,

First off, congratulations on your acceptance. I was very much looking forward to meeting you and despite the fact that you'll be leaving Chicago next week, I am still very interested to meet you. Let me know when you want to meet. 

Sarah"

i email her on wednesday, may 13th to tell her that i would like to meet up for a drink, but i can't on that day because i am recovering from a flu-bug. i ask if thursday night works better. she says that sounds great, so we plan to meet at Rockit at 8pm. I DO NOT TELL A SOUL THAT I AM GOING TO MEET SARAH AT 8PM. no one. my roommates asked where i was going, and i told them i was going to grab a bite with Pat, my best friend from high school. no questions asked. since sarah is a wilco fan, i thought about burning a copy of their new cd for her that doesn't come out until june 30th, but i thought that might be a bit much. i was feeling a little nervous - i have never met a complete stranger this way - but thought it would be kinda fun and a good first date experience at the very least. so i hopped in the car, hit some serious chi-town traffic, and was 10 minutes late arriving to Rockit. i was so late and felt bad keeping Sarah waiting that i dropped my car off at valet parking and hurried inside to find Sarah. i had only seen one picture of her, but i thought i would be able to find her without a problem...

and that's when it happened. that's when i saw my friends - pat, fletcher, the brothers lawler, megan, annie, and claire laughing their asses off at my expense. within a split second, my date with "Sarah" was over and i knew it right away.  they sandbagged me SO BAD. it was one of the best sandbags of all time. you should have seen the shit-eating grins they had as i walked in and how they erupted with laughter the moment i saw them - i wish i could have seen my own reaction. i knew right away that it was a huge drawn-out prank. they got me so good. i didn't see just one of them - i saw them all at the same time and they made me look like the biggest fool on planet earth. but it was executed to perfection. just brilliant really. after the initial shock wore off and i stopped laughing long enough to catch my breath, the hostess came to bring us to our table. we ended up telling her that i thought i was meeting a girl from match.com but my friends sandbagged me and played a cruel but hilarious joke on me. she burst out laughing and told me there was a woman at the bar waiting to meet someone from an online dating service. sarah?! is that you?! please tell me you're real. airball. sarah is not a girl. for the last 3 weeks, my friend fletcher has been sarah. yes, he spent $34.99 in order to play this joke on me. that's what friends are for. 

turns out that Pat & Fletcher kept this a secret until today, when pat sent out the following email to everyone:

"So the double secret surprise send off get together is on tonight for 7:30pm. Fletcher and I are planning on getting to the bar at 7:30 in order to ensure we arriver earlier than Brendan who is planning on meeting a "Sarah" from Match.com at 8:00 (For those not in the know, we have used a fake Match.com screen name and profile to "pick up" and unsuspecting Brendan Sage and after a month of e-mails back and forth we confirmed with Brendan tonight's 'date')"

it turned into a surprise send off party and i couldn't have been more stunned or surprised. i never thought i would fall for something like this, but i did and it was hilarious. they are total sandbaggers, but i have pretty great friends. 

they gave me a big poster with a picture of my lost love and i inside a breaking heart. i will never find true love again. 

i am particularly fond of the notes left by fletcher ("i got you good f***er!") and nicko ("it's ok to look!")

about an hour after i realized sarah was a fraud, our friend johnny showed up at the bar. apparently, he was told it was a "surprise." he assumed it was my birthday and he excitedly wished me a happy birthday and proceeded to give me this ginormous birthday card that is about two feet tall.  thanks, johnny! 

winding down

retirement is winding down. i only have 6 days left at home, which is sad mostly because it means only 6 days left of free rent, 6 days of free food, 6 days of unlimited yogurt and diet wild cherry pepsi, 6 days left with the roommates, and only 6 days left to nearly attack my dad with a sand wedge again. plus sides of leaving home are living in boston again, grad school, not having to tell girls i meet that i live with my parents (not like i was ever in that scenario in the last 8 months, but still), and interacting with humans on a daily basis (always a plus). after a busy week with a cubs game, blackhawks game, surprise visiting my sister at college for her b-day, and having carter & parker invade chicago for a long weekend of golfing, eating gyros, and severe dehydration, i've really embraced the concept of doing absolutely nothing over the past 3 days. sensing that my time for myself is coming to an end and not wanting to start packing (i have not packed a single thing), i have turned into a recluse since parker & carter left chicago after their visit this past weekend. since then i have slept over 26 hours, spent most of the time on the couch, watched "i am legend," "27 dresses" (again), a golf documentary about the 1960 US open, figured out how to make iPhone ringtones with garageband and proceeded to make 5 ringtones (you're so cool sagemania), became fascinated with the icelandic band Sigur Rós and spent an hour trying to illegally obtain a copy of the new wilco album that doesn't come out until june 30th (it's pretty good). i watched the LOST season finale and spent a solid 64 minutes just now reading lost blogs, which is the most utter waste of time. the only time i left the house was yesterday when i washed my hair before playing 12 holes of golf and going out for thai food with the roommates.

on an unrelated note, i think i'm balding. this is not a good development. this is really bad. 

one for the ages...

WOW. WHAT A GAME. 

game 6 of the bulls/celtics series was one for the ages. this whole series has been one for the ages. it's the best first round playoff series i've ever witnessed. 4 overtime games in 6 games, a double-OT, and a triple-OT?! unbelievable. game 7 in boston on saturday night. the garden will be a rockin'. 

bill simmons is one of the most biased, obnoxious journalists in all of sports. sometimes his articles are funny and entertaining, but when it comes to boston sports i'd rather make myself vomit than read his junk. i kept thinking about him tonight during the triple overtime thrillahhhhh, especially when JOAKIM NOAH (above) stole the ball from pierce with the game tied at 123 in the 3rd OT, drove the length of the floor, and threw down a monster dunk while getting hacked by pierce. let's go back to an article simmons wrote the other day...

"I hate Joakim Noah. I hate him.

Little does he know, but I already exacted my revenge on him a few months ago, when I took my daughter to a Clippers-Bulls game. She was entranced by Noah's hair for some reason and asked me in all seriousness, "Is that a girl?" I thought it would be funny to convince her that, yes, Joakim Noah was a girl. She didn't fully believe me for about a quarter. By the end of the game, Noah was her favorite player and she was excited that girls could play in the NBA. We came home and she said, "Mommy, we saw a girl play at the Clippers game!" My wife thought it was evil that I did this. She made me feel bad. Now I feel happy. I love that it happened. Just retelling the story makes me happy. I hate Joakim Noah."

i'm happy that happened too, simmons. i hope your daughter watched the "girl" steal the game from your boy and make the play of the game. i love that noah threw down the dagger. 

tonight's game was incredible...an exhausting 4 hours. i was screaming so loud that my female roommate didn't even say goodnight...she just went upstairs w/o saying a word. i'm thrilled that the bulls won, but i'm almost as happy that rajon "lil bow wow" rondo lost. in light of recent events, i have almost as much disdain for rondo than i do for tyler hansbrough. and for those who know me, that says A LOT. first of all, rondo's resemblance to the rapper lil' bow wow is impeccable. but rondo is more of a thug than lil' bow wow will ever be. it was ridiculous it was that rajon "lil bow wow" rondo was not called for a flagrant foul against brad miller at the end of game 5 (see video here). it was an assault on miller's face. i know - it's over and done with - but it really sets the stage for rondo's pure thuggery in game 6. at the end of the first quarter, kirk hinrich (who i would want on my team on any given day) was boxing rondo-thug out. rondo grabbed hinrich's arm, swung him around, and threw him into the press table. hinrich reacted angrily, as anyone would do, and shoved rondo while yelling obscenities. rondo was taunting hinrich with that arrogant punk look while the refs separated things. why rondo was not ejected from the game is beyond me. he flagrantly and deliberately threw hinrich and there is no question in my mind that he should have been ejected, especially in light of his facial assault in game 5. bring on game 7. 

speaking of thugs, let's talk about the biggest one of them all - kevin garnett. see the picture below...he isn't even playing and he is screaming at ben gordon. if you have seen 4 minutes of this series, you've seen "KG" mouthing "mothaf****" and other obscenities and bulls players while sticking out his chin and pumping his chin like he just hit the game winning shot...oh wait, he's in street clothes on the bench with a bum knee. sit the hell down garnett and shut up. he has to be the most arrogant trash talker prick in all of professional basketball. he shows absolutely no class whatsoever. ben gordon is no angel either...he has some thuggish tendencies himself, but garnett really takes the cake. i can't wait to see his facial expressions when the celtics are eliminated (if not by the bulls, then orlando or cleveland)

here's an excerpt from a chicago newspaper article about the picture above:

But with Garnett sidelined with injuries, it's been his off-court antics during the Bulls-Celtics series, in particular, one incident that occurred near the end of regulation in Game 5, that's drawing this Bulls fan's ire.  Captured in an oh-so telling photo, there's Mr. Gatorade himself in the ear of Bulls shooter Ben Gordon as he walks toward the bench during a timeout.  The expression on Garnett's face says it all, but you can't help but wonder what, exactly, he's saying.

Some possibilities:

1) "Hi Ben! How are you? Great series, huh? I like your tattoo. It's super cool. Okay, bye!" 
2) "Have you tried the nachos here?  They're de-light-ful!"
3) "Will you look at Scalabrine?  Doesn't he just make you smile?  Gosh, I love gingers!" 
4) "Bible study at my place after the game.  You in?"
5) "When you get a second, I'd love to talk to you about this wonderful business opportunity.  It's a company called Amway..."
6) "Sorry, Ben, but I don't think you're a very good basketball player and I think you should go have sex with yourself." (in not so many words)

Chances are it's a variation of the sixth option, but in a perfect world, I'd hope for number three.

So what, given Garnett's tendency for trash, is my problem with this?  If he was in uniform, the refs would've undoubtedly charged him with a technical foul.  Or, at the very least, issued him a warning.  Instead, he's permitted to sit smugly on the bench, show poor sportsmanship and taunt the Bulls all game."

also, brian scalabrine is my favorite celtics player. every time he runs on the court i scream

"jackie moon!"

thursday day o fun

my thursday started out without a bang but wow what a day it was. it was a dreadfully slow morning in the heights of arlington. highlights included not one, not two, but three different construction trucks waking me up at 8am. both next-door neighbors and the house across the street all have work done on their house. not fun. at around 11:30 i was struggling to find something to do and i entertained myself for an hour by reading national geographic and people magazine (double issue what) from cover to cover. i had my standard turkey panini, a yogurt, and a banana for lunch and really needed to kill some time before the bulls/celtics game. so i went to the gym to shoot hoops. then all the big boys who broke my finger came in to play some pickup games, and the injured boy with a bum pinky had to sit this one out. to kill time, i stretched for 45 minutes. 45 minutes of stretching is awful and i don't recommend it to anyone. then i had a great idea...i thought it would be fun to see how long i could last in the sauna before passing out. i usually do 12-18 minutes and call it a day. i was on a mission to make it to 30 minutes. minute 20 came and went and i was still hanging in there, but started to feel a bit woozy. i laid down on the bench to rest but i burned the back of my calves on the piping hot fireblaze of a bench. stupid move on my part. i sat back up and really started to feel pretty crummy around minute 25, which is when one of the b-ball guys, Thad (the only nice one), came in. we started chatting and before i knew it he was rambling on and on about something, but all i could think about was getting out of the sauna without being hospitalized. my head was pounding and my whole body felt dizzy...i'd compare it to drinking a whole bottle of whiskey in death valley while listening to smash mouth on repeat. i've never done any of those things, but i imagine they produce a wicked headache and a bout of the dizzyspells. minute 28 came and thad was still yapping away...i stood up slowly and said in a marlon brando godfather-esque voice "thad i gotta go" and i shuffled my way over to the shower. i sat down on the shower bench for a solid 5 minutes until i felt well enough to stand up again. i learned my lesson. 28 minutes at 130 degrees is a tad much. 

boredom sits in

it is tuesday night, april 28th. i leave for boston in 22 days and i couldn't be more excited. good things await on the east coast. however, i am currently getting bored out of my mind. eaglephile & whoever else - i think you should suggest some things i should do to occupy my time in the coming weeks