paul carty is my muse

the creation of http://schoolboysage.blogspot.com/ by loyal follower mr paul carty (aka eaglephile)has inspired me to start blogging again even though i am no longer enjoying retirement now that i am back residing in the commonwealth of massachusetts. to be continued. 

t minus 21 hours

for the 2nd time in two months, i cut my tongue open on the aluminum foil of my yogurt. i pulled it back quickly without realizing the foil ripped and had jagged edges, and eagerly licked the cherry yogurt. i felt the slice. then i felt it start bleeding. it was not pleasant. 

i am leaving my roommates & my very enjoyable retired life in the Land of Lincoln in less than 21 hours. i have yet to begin actually packing. i have some clothes on the floor & that's about it. 

one thing i am definitely packing are my jumpsoles - i've been a failure in that department recently and need to spend a good amount of time focusing on my 2009 goal once i get settled back in the Commonwealth. 

meeting secondcitygirl06

after emailing with the girl from match.com for a few weeks, i decided to go meet her for a drink tonight in downtown chicago. it was an interesting night to say the least...here's the background and the date recap...

i received an email from secondcitygirl06 on friday, april 24th saying:

"Hi, is funny how much we have in common. I'd love to learn a little more about you. I see you like playing golf; what is your handicap? I've tried to keep my handicap as low as it was in college but its hard with work and school. Lets trade emails a bit to get to know each other and if we're both up for it, we can grab a drink some evening. Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Sarah"

(note that i could not read this email from sarah until i paid $34.99 for a one month subscription, which i did because i'm a complete sucker)

at first, like i said before, i thought it was carter trying to play a cruel joke on me. i bombarded him with questions and made him swear that he did not create this girl on match.com (i did, however, get him to admit that he was planning on creating a fake girl account to mess with me - he even showed me the picture he was going to use for the girl). he was pretty adamant that he was telling the truth & i was pretty convinced that this girl was legit. i was definitely curious and interested in meeting sarah, especially because she got in touch with me. even though i'm moving, i figured it couldn't hurt to email her back. so i did. and she responded a couple days later. 

"Hey! It was great to hear back from you. I'm right in the middle of MBA finals, which explains why it took me a few days to respond. Work has definitely taken a toll on my handicap. I was a 7 in high school. I played as a freshman and sophomore, but I blew out my knee at the start of junior year and wasn't able to play for the rest of high school. I did make it to one Cubs game back on the 21st, which was lots of fun except for the cold weather. 

I'm so jealous, I've always wanted to see Wilco in concert, but I've never had the chance. 

I'm from a suburb of detroit originally. MSU was awesome. I was in a sorority - does BC have fraternities and sororities? - and it was so great. A lot of my sorority sisters are in Chicago and we're still really good friends. 

I'd love to meet up for a drink with you, although the next two weeks are kind of hectic for me with my study schedule and then finals. I know its kind of far out, but do you want to meet for drinks on Friday May 15th?"

i responded with some small talk, about how we were at the same Cubs game on the 21st, blah blah blah. i said i'd love to meet up for a drink but i'm out of town the weekend of may 15th for my sister's college graduation. 

her response:

"I totally understand having to attend graduation. I had to do it a few times myself. Well how bout sometime during the week before then? Say that Wednesday?"

i said sure. let's meet on wednesday the 13th. 

her reply on May 10th:

"Hey, hope this email finds you well. I am looking forward to meeting you this Wednesday. I'm going to be downtown at a networking event on Wednesday and was thinking we could have a drink at Rockit Bar at around 7:30-8pm. Does that time work for you?

Sarah"

ok, so i'm moving to boston in 10 days...do i really want to meet this girl?! it's probably not worth it - i'm moving and i think it would be a waste of her time. i decide to be (somewhat) honest & tell her that i'm moving to boston for grad school on relatively quick notice. thinking that i was in the clear, i was surprised when she wrote back and said:

"Brendan,

First off, congratulations on your acceptance. I was very much looking forward to meeting you and despite the fact that you'll be leaving Chicago next week, I am still very interested to meet you. Let me know when you want to meet. 

Sarah"

i email her on wednesday, may 13th to tell her that i would like to meet up for a drink, but i can't on that day because i am recovering from a flu-bug. i ask if thursday night works better. she says that sounds great, so we plan to meet at Rockit at 8pm. I DO NOT TELL A SOUL THAT I AM GOING TO MEET SARAH AT 8PM. no one. my roommates asked where i was going, and i told them i was going to grab a bite with Pat, my best friend from high school. no questions asked. since sarah is a wilco fan, i thought about burning a copy of their new cd for her that doesn't come out until june 30th, but i thought that might be a bit much. i was feeling a little nervous - i have never met a complete stranger this way - but thought it would be kinda fun and a good first date experience at the very least. so i hopped in the car, hit some serious chi-town traffic, and was 10 minutes late arriving to Rockit. i was so late and felt bad keeping Sarah waiting that i dropped my car off at valet parking and hurried inside to find Sarah. i had only seen one picture of her, but i thought i would be able to find her without a problem...

and that's when it happened. that's when i saw my friends - pat, fletcher, the brothers lawler, megan, annie, and claire laughing their asses off at my expense. within a split second, my date with "Sarah" was over and i knew it right away.  they sandbagged me SO BAD. it was one of the best sandbags of all time. you should have seen the shit-eating grins they had as i walked in and how they erupted with laughter the moment i saw them - i wish i could have seen my own reaction. i knew right away that it was a huge drawn-out prank. they got me so good. i didn't see just one of them - i saw them all at the same time and they made me look like the biggest fool on planet earth. but it was executed to perfection. just brilliant really. after the initial shock wore off and i stopped laughing long enough to catch my breath, the hostess came to bring us to our table. we ended up telling her that i thought i was meeting a girl from match.com but my friends sandbagged me and played a cruel but hilarious joke on me. she burst out laughing and told me there was a woman at the bar waiting to meet someone from an online dating service. sarah?! is that you?! please tell me you're real. airball. sarah is not a girl. for the last 3 weeks, my friend fletcher has been sarah. yes, he spent $34.99 in order to play this joke on me. that's what friends are for. 

turns out that Pat & Fletcher kept this a secret until today, when pat sent out the following email to everyone:

"So the double secret surprise send off get together is on tonight for 7:30pm. Fletcher and I are planning on getting to the bar at 7:30 in order to ensure we arriver earlier than Brendan who is planning on meeting a "Sarah" from Match.com at 8:00 (For those not in the know, we have used a fake Match.com screen name and profile to "pick up" and unsuspecting Brendan Sage and after a month of e-mails back and forth we confirmed with Brendan tonight's 'date')"

it turned into a surprise send off party and i couldn't have been more stunned or surprised. i never thought i would fall for something like this, but i did and it was hilarious. they are total sandbaggers, but i have pretty great friends. 

they gave me a big poster with a picture of my lost love and i inside a breaking heart. i will never find true love again. 

i am particularly fond of the notes left by fletcher ("i got you good f***er!") and nicko ("it's ok to look!")

about an hour after i realized sarah was a fraud, our friend johnny showed up at the bar. apparently, he was told it was a "surprise." he assumed it was my birthday and he excitedly wished me a happy birthday and proceeded to give me this ginormous birthday card that is about two feet tall.  thanks, johnny! 

winding down

retirement is winding down. i only have 6 days left at home, which is sad mostly because it means only 6 days left of free rent, 6 days of free food, 6 days of unlimited yogurt and diet wild cherry pepsi, 6 days left with the roommates, and only 6 days left to nearly attack my dad with a sand wedge again. plus sides of leaving home are living in boston again, grad school, not having to tell girls i meet that i live with my parents (not like i was ever in that scenario in the last 8 months, but still), and interacting with humans on a daily basis (always a plus). after a busy week with a cubs game, blackhawks game, surprise visiting my sister at college for her b-day, and having carter & parker invade chicago for a long weekend of golfing, eating gyros, and severe dehydration, i've really embraced the concept of doing absolutely nothing over the past 3 days. sensing that my time for myself is coming to an end and not wanting to start packing (i have not packed a single thing), i have turned into a recluse since parker & carter left chicago after their visit this past weekend. since then i have slept over 26 hours, spent most of the time on the couch, watched "i am legend," "27 dresses" (again), a golf documentary about the 1960 US open, figured out how to make iPhone ringtones with garageband and proceeded to make 5 ringtones (you're so cool sagemania), became fascinated with the icelandic band Sigur Rós and spent an hour trying to illegally obtain a copy of the new wilco album that doesn't come out until june 30th (it's pretty good). i watched the LOST season finale and spent a solid 64 minutes just now reading lost blogs, which is the most utter waste of time. the only time i left the house was yesterday when i washed my hair before playing 12 holes of golf and going out for thai food with the roommates.

on an unrelated note, i think i'm balding. this is not a good development. this is really bad. 

one for the ages...

WOW. WHAT A GAME. 

game 6 of the bulls/celtics series was one for the ages. this whole series has been one for the ages. it's the best first round playoff series i've ever witnessed. 4 overtime games in 6 games, a double-OT, and a triple-OT?! unbelievable. game 7 in boston on saturday night. the garden will be a rockin'. 

bill simmons is one of the most biased, obnoxious journalists in all of sports. sometimes his articles are funny and entertaining, but when it comes to boston sports i'd rather make myself vomit than read his junk. i kept thinking about him tonight during the triple overtime thrillahhhhh, especially when JOAKIM NOAH (above) stole the ball from pierce with the game tied at 123 in the 3rd OT, drove the length of the floor, and threw down a monster dunk while getting hacked by pierce. let's go back to an article simmons wrote the other day...

"I hate Joakim Noah. I hate him.

Little does he know, but I already exacted my revenge on him a few months ago, when I took my daughter to a Clippers-Bulls game. She was entranced by Noah's hair for some reason and asked me in all seriousness, "Is that a girl?" I thought it would be funny to convince her that, yes, Joakim Noah was a girl. She didn't fully believe me for about a quarter. By the end of the game, Noah was her favorite player and she was excited that girls could play in the NBA. We came home and she said, "Mommy, we saw a girl play at the Clippers game!" My wife thought it was evil that I did this. She made me feel bad. Now I feel happy. I love that it happened. Just retelling the story makes me happy. I hate Joakim Noah."

i'm happy that happened too, simmons. i hope your daughter watched the "girl" steal the game from your boy and make the play of the game. i love that noah threw down the dagger. 

tonight's game was incredible...an exhausting 4 hours. i was screaming so loud that my female roommate didn't even say goodnight...she just went upstairs w/o saying a word. i'm thrilled that the bulls won, but i'm almost as happy that rajon "lil bow wow" rondo lost. in light of recent events, i have almost as much disdain for rondo than i do for tyler hansbrough. and for those who know me, that says A LOT. first of all, rondo's resemblance to the rapper lil' bow wow is impeccable. but rondo is more of a thug than lil' bow wow will ever be. it was ridiculous it was that rajon "lil bow wow" rondo was not called for a flagrant foul against brad miller at the end of game 5 (see video here). it was an assault on miller's face. i know - it's over and done with - but it really sets the stage for rondo's pure thuggery in game 6. at the end of the first quarter, kirk hinrich (who i would want on my team on any given day) was boxing rondo-thug out. rondo grabbed hinrich's arm, swung him around, and threw him into the press table. hinrich reacted angrily, as anyone would do, and shoved rondo while yelling obscenities. rondo was taunting hinrich with that arrogant punk look while the refs separated things. why rondo was not ejected from the game is beyond me. he flagrantly and deliberately threw hinrich and there is no question in my mind that he should have been ejected, especially in light of his facial assault in game 5. bring on game 7. 

speaking of thugs, let's talk about the biggest one of them all - kevin garnett. see the picture below...he isn't even playing and he is screaming at ben gordon. if you have seen 4 minutes of this series, you've seen "KG" mouthing "mothaf****" and other obscenities and bulls players while sticking out his chin and pumping his chin like he just hit the game winning shot...oh wait, he's in street clothes on the bench with a bum knee. sit the hell down garnett and shut up. he has to be the most arrogant trash talker prick in all of professional basketball. he shows absolutely no class whatsoever. ben gordon is no angel either...he has some thuggish tendencies himself, but garnett really takes the cake. i can't wait to see his facial expressions when the celtics are eliminated (if not by the bulls, then orlando or cleveland)

here's an excerpt from a chicago newspaper article about the picture above:

But with Garnett sidelined with injuries, it's been his off-court antics during the Bulls-Celtics series, in particular, one incident that occurred near the end of regulation in Game 5, that's drawing this Bulls fan's ire.  Captured in an oh-so telling photo, there's Mr. Gatorade himself in the ear of Bulls shooter Ben Gordon as he walks toward the bench during a timeout.  The expression on Garnett's face says it all, but you can't help but wonder what, exactly, he's saying.

Some possibilities:

1) "Hi Ben! How are you? Great series, huh? I like your tattoo. It's super cool. Okay, bye!" 
2) "Have you tried the nachos here?  They're de-light-ful!"
3) "Will you look at Scalabrine?  Doesn't he just make you smile?  Gosh, I love gingers!" 
4) "Bible study at my place after the game.  You in?"
5) "When you get a second, I'd love to talk to you about this wonderful business opportunity.  It's a company called Amway..."
6) "Sorry, Ben, but I don't think you're a very good basketball player and I think you should go have sex with yourself." (in not so many words)

Chances are it's a variation of the sixth option, but in a perfect world, I'd hope for number three.

So what, given Garnett's tendency for trash, is my problem with this?  If he was in uniform, the refs would've undoubtedly charged him with a technical foul.  Or, at the very least, issued him a warning.  Instead, he's permitted to sit smugly on the bench, show poor sportsmanship and taunt the Bulls all game."

also, brian scalabrine is my favorite celtics player. every time he runs on the court i scream

"jackie moon!"

thursday day o fun

my thursday started out without a bang but wow what a day it was. it was a dreadfully slow morning in the heights of arlington. highlights included not one, not two, but three different construction trucks waking me up at 8am. both next-door neighbors and the house across the street all have work done on their house. not fun. at around 11:30 i was struggling to find something to do and i entertained myself for an hour by reading national geographic and people magazine (double issue what) from cover to cover. i had my standard turkey panini, a yogurt, and a banana for lunch and really needed to kill some time before the bulls/celtics game. so i went to the gym to shoot hoops. then all the big boys who broke my finger came in to play some pickup games, and the injured boy with a bum pinky had to sit this one out. to kill time, i stretched for 45 minutes. 45 minutes of stretching is awful and i don't recommend it to anyone. then i had a great idea...i thought it would be fun to see how long i could last in the sauna before passing out. i usually do 12-18 minutes and call it a day. i was on a mission to make it to 30 minutes. minute 20 came and went and i was still hanging in there, but started to feel a bit woozy. i laid down on the bench to rest but i burned the back of my calves on the piping hot fireblaze of a bench. stupid move on my part. i sat back up and really started to feel pretty crummy around minute 25, which is when one of the b-ball guys, Thad (the only nice one), came in. we started chatting and before i knew it he was rambling on and on about something, but all i could think about was getting out of the sauna without being hospitalized. my head was pounding and my whole body felt dizzy...i'd compare it to drinking a whole bottle of whiskey in death valley while listening to smash mouth on repeat. i've never done any of those things, but i imagine they produce a wicked headache and a bout of the dizzyspells. minute 28 came and thad was still yapping away...i stood up slowly and said in a marlon brando godfather-esque voice "thad i gotta go" and i shuffled my way over to the shower. i sat down on the shower bench for a solid 5 minutes until i felt well enough to stand up again. i learned my lesson. 28 minutes at 130 degrees is a tad much. 

boredom sits in

it is tuesday night, april 28th. i leave for boston in 22 days and i couldn't be more excited. good things await on the east coast. however, i am currently getting bored out of my mind. eaglephile & whoever else - i think you should suggest some things i should do to occupy my time in the coming weeks 

i'm sorry carty

dear mr carty

i'm sorry for deleting your comment. don't hate. it will never happen again. 

i love you.

my weird neighbors

our next-door neighbor joan is a 65-ish year old wannabe cougar. her husband died a couple a years ago (he was 20 years older...she married him for $$) and since then she has been on a mission to find a younger, successful man to play games with in the bedroom. when her late husband was deathly ill in the hospital, my male roommate saw joan throwing herself at several doctors at the hospital...while her husband is dying. she's obviously the most respectable and thoughtful person on the planet. she thinks she is hot stuff and flaunts around wearing skimpy clothing and too much makeup. yesterday she was out in the backyard wearing her bikini and watering plants. put some clothes on oldielocks. 

(side note about joan - for my 8th grade graduation gift she gave me a 24 pack of cherry coke)

anyway, i keep my distance from joan and try to avoid talking to her at all costs. i have succeeded & have yet to have a conversation with her since moving home over 8 months ago. pretty impressive. however, i have not been able to avoid her loser 40-year-old son josh who was fired from his company last month and is living in his mother's basement (josh makes me look REALLY good). last week we exchanged a brief conversation last week while driving past each other on our street. he told me how he got laid off and that his company gave him "40 G's" (doubtful) to hit the road. ooh, that will be good for his drug habit. in all honesty, josh creeps me out. i just don't get a good vibe from him - he's seems like a weasel, used-car salesman who tries to BS with you and make it seem like he's god's gift to the earth. i see him in their backyard (i mean his mother's backyard) chain-smoking and talking on his cell phone about 4 times a day. so yesterday i went for a run at a nearby lake and was driving home to shower and change. it was about 4:49pm and my cousin danny was picking me up to head into the city at 5:15. i drive by their house and see josh swinging a golf club on the front lawn. he waves. i wave. i speed into my driveway and try to get out and get into the house before josh comes over to talk...i just have this feeling that he's going to come over. and as i am getting out of my car he comes around the corner. "hey buddy!" he says in his weasel voice. 

hi josh. 

why are you sweating? 

i went for a run (you idiot). 

so let me get this straight - you drove somewhere to go for a run? 

yes. 

that doesn't make sense. 

ok. 

the conversation is off to a rocky start. i need to somehow get out of this conversation and get ready. he seems pretty chatty and asks about my golf background & asks if i can help him with his golf swing. oh god. i take a look at his brand new callaway driver and see that he has the entire clubhead wrapped with heavy tape. why did he wrap it in tape? i have no freaking clue. he proceeds to tell me how he was a natural golfer as a 15 year old and put backspin on the ball and was an incredible putter. i don't believe a word he says. i've seen him swing and he sucks. far from natural. he tells me he has some swing flaws. i ask him what his swing flaws are. he proceeds to tell me how he is a great putter (again). feeling a bit irritated, i say "josh those aren't your swing flaws. what are your swing flaws?" he swings a few times and i point out a few things he is doing wrong and try to help fix his swing. he then asks if i have a second because he wants to show me something. oh god. i say "how long will it take? my cousin is picking me up in 20 minutes." oh it will only take a minute. we walk into his house and i am praying i don't run into joan wearing a bikini. we go into the basement...i'm getting more than slightly creeped out. we walk into his 'bedroom' which he refers to as "my pad" and all i can think about is how i hope my life is drastically different than his when i am 40 years old. he shows me the putter he just bought on ebay and all of his other clubs (half which are taped up). i make small talk about his clubs - oh they are nice, great putter, etc. i start to walk towards the stairs and he says "hey man do you want to go to the driving range with me sometime this week?" i point to the sling on my finger and say i wish i could but i cant play because i broke my finger. awesome excuse. so relieved i got outta that one. here is where i am just shocked...he asks if i will go to the driving range with him anyway and help fix his swing. i stutter "uhhhh" and try to think of a quick out. he says how about monday? i can't do monday. how about tuesday? uhhhh i'm not going to get out of this one. fine, i say, reluctantly. 1pm on tuesday i have a driving range outing with my creepy neighbor. awesome. can't wait. 

the match.com experiment

it was friday, march 27th and i stayed in to watch hoops & hang out with the roomies. it was about 10:56pm and i was bored. female roommate went to bed b/c she couldn't stand watching any more college basketball. male roommate was passing out on the couch and starting to snore. it was a friday night and i was twiddling my thumbs out of pure boredom - i need a girlfriend, i thought. big time. so then i remembered an outrageous email my cousin kevin sent last year about signing up for match.com and having 5 dates in 6 nights. i thought that signing up for match.com would make for an interesting blog post, at the very least - and i didn't have anything to lose, so i signed up. i told myself i would not contact anyone, just see if any fish take the bait (after 4 minutes of thinking, that was the best metaphor i could come up with...8 months of not thinking too hard has significantly diminished my creativity and quick-thinking). even though i knew i was moving back to boston this summer, i said that i lived in IL. on match.com you can "wink" at people that you are interested in. in real life if a guy winks at a girl, he is immediately a perverted creep slimeball and a drink is thrown in his face. but on match.com, a wink is a big compliment. funny how that works. i received my first "wink" within 25 hours of signing up. hoo-ahh. 

one thing that i found pretty interesting was how quickly you can make up your mind up about someone w/limited info. for most people, a glance at their pictures can make your decision - sometimes just one picture can make up your mind. or reading a sentence or two about their interests. i don't think that it's being judgmental - it's just a matter of who you are attracted to and knowing what you want. 

in 27 days on match.com, 72 females (or so i hope) have viewed my profile

7 winks

about 1 wink every 3.85 days

(side note - for some reason i gave Carter my match.com username and password so he could see all the girls who winked...keep that in mind...)

here are the winkers (that sounds creepy) - 6 of the 7 didn't make the cut...

SaraB5 (match.com screenname) 

- SaraB5 claims to be 26, but she looks like she is 54 years old. i almost fell over laughing when i read the first line of her "intro" - "First of all, I look young, but I promise I am 26. Also, although I look good in this photo, I look much better in person!" No! you don't look young at all! you definitely get AARP discounts at the movies.

- 2 of her 4 pictures are of her ugly little annoying shitzu-poodle-rabies infested looking dog. one of the pictures looks like the dog is deceased. no thank you. 

- "But I also love to stay in and watch a movie or play some video games" - Oh no SarB5...video games? at age 26? and you're a chick? you're killing me, smalls. 

- "Don't judge a book by it's cover...I look young but am not...Let's go walking in the forests of life." Walking in the forests of life? No thanks...you stay in your "forest" and i'll stay in mine.

26?? i don't think so

SaraB5's quasi-dead dog

babybucky

- babybucky hails from maple park, IL. i have no idea where that is. according to google maps, it's only FIFTY TWO MILES away. 52 miles away from the chi-town burbs means farmland and cows. google maps says maple park looks like THIS. i say nay nay. even if i was not moving away, there is no way that i would even remotely consider commuting 52 miles to maple park, illinois to see babybucky. 

- her 'intro message' is "volleyball enthusiast looking for someone to hit it off with." i am almost as good at volleyball as i am with wrestling...and we all know how good i am at wrestling. this probably won't work. 

- i don't even know her real name, but what 24 year old calls herself babybucky? strike 56. she's out. 

gemini_ml

- 24 year old...kinda exotic looking...doesn't really do it for me though

- includes a picture of her and a muscular looking guy who could probably kick my ass (see below - the headband is intimidating). they look kinda cozy. is this an ex-boyfriend? a current boyfriend? either way, gemini_ml you probably shouldn't put up pictures of you with other dudes. at least the picture is of her at wrigley field...that earns her a point.  

- also includes a picture of her dog (why do girls think guys want to see their dogs?) and a couple pictures of european architecture. really? c'mon. you're not a random building. or the eiffel tower. guys want to see pictures of you. 

- one of her favorite bands is linkin park - NEXT PLEASE. 

ruby2zday007

 - 20 years old. immediate strikeout. no way jose. 

- her screenname is named after a terrible chain restaurant that i had a bad experience in back in '97 in atlanta. 

- what's with the 007 at the end of her screenname? does she watch bond movies all day? or is 007 on nintendo64 her favorite video game of all time? maybe her and SaraB5 can get together and play video games sometime. or does she think it makes her seem more mysterious? i don't think i want to know the answer. 

"I want to have fun" - oooh thanks ruby2zday...i was worried that you hated having fun. thanks for stating the obvious. 

- at least she gets a half point for not putting up any pictures of her ugly dog. 

DKB44 

- good lord another girl with pictures of her dog...i don't get it...just brutal. this dog isn't even cute - it looks scary and that it would bite off my ear. 

- tall blonde - seems athletic, played college softball. but not my type. then again i don't know what my 'type' is 

- substitute teacher - i can't judge because i'm not a substitute anything. 

- nothing really stands out for DKB44...moving on

StarGazer24437

- screenname is very 7th grade. 

- she looks like she is in 7th grade (but claims to be 24). that's enough to formulate my decision - seems nice, but not interesting at all ("I enjoy the outdoors when the weather is nice" - fascinating insight!) 

ok so those are the 6 winking strikeouts. before we move onto winker #7, let me just mention some of the things i listed on my profile: 

- for fun: listening to music, going to concerts, cubs games at wrigley, playing golf, running (kinda generic but whatever)

- i said my ideal day is playing golf & then going to a cubs game

with that in mind, let's move to winker #7

secondcitygirl06

- she only has one picture, but she looks pretty cute

- 25 years old, graduated from michigan state in '06, working on her MBA at de paul. nice. 

- "For Fun: going to concerts (Wilco, U2, Kanye), going to Cubs games in the summer, running along the lake, playing golf, reading a good book, traveling to new and different places" - whoaaaaa now we're talking. wilco...favorite band...i saw them in concert last week...a golfer?! huge points there. cubs games? more points...this girl has potential

- "My ideal weekend is one during a Chicago summer; afternoon round of golf, or a Cubs game, followed by a bbq and drinks with friends" - hmm...interesting. that's basically my ideal day. why am i leaving chicago? will you marry me? 

- the more i thought about secondcitygirl06, i realized this could be a giant sandbag by Carter. secondcitygirl06 has the exact same interests - carter has access to my match.com account and my profile and very easily could have created a fictitious girl to mess with me. i wouldn't put it past him. i even winked back at her just to see if carter called me out on winking when i said i wouldn't. i also tried to log-in as secondcitygirl06 with passwords i thought carter might use (my match.com password, our GCO email password, etc) but no dice. i still think it could be him though...he could have found a picture of a random girl from the internet or a picture of one of his girlfriend's sisters friends or someone random like that. why would he waste his time doing something like that, you may ask? well, he's the same person who sent me 5 months worth of clues for what turned out to be a giant april fools day joke. so there you have it...i thought winker #7 was a sweet angel but i think she could be a fraud. 

t minus one month

i officially have less than 1 month left living at home with the roommates. i brought this up last night to them and this morning they left a note on the counter asking me to run errands for them. i think they're trying to take advantage of having the 3rd roommate around while they still can. i should have kept quiet...today i resume responsibilities as the family servant. the male roommate has terrible handwriting. i almost want to pretend i can't read what he wrote.

when i'm done with chores, i'm heading down to wrigley for the cubs game. it feels like 32 degrees right now. great day for baseball. what happened to global warming. 

i have a confession to make...i haven't used the jumpsoles for 2 weeks. i am ashamed of myself. forgive me. 

stalkage

i forgot to mention that i secretly took several other pictures of billy corgan w/o him knowing. i love being creepy. 

happy marathon monday

marathon monday is the 2nd favorite holiday after christmas (a very close 2nd). this is my first marathon monday away from boston in 7 years and i don't like not being there. i am celebrating from 1,000 miles away by a) not working and 2) watching the marathon coverage on tv. i can't believe it's actually televised here, but i'll take it. 

saturday was national record store day across the country. i took part by going to "vintage vinyl," a well known record shop in evanston. as i was leaving, billy corgan from the smashing pumpkins was putting coins in the meter. i said "hello mr corgan" and he smiled and said "hi how's it going." he went into vintage vinyl and i followed suit and took a picture with him. 

raccoon revenge

on saturday my sister found this 3 dollar raccoon dog toy at the store and bought it to get revenge on my male roommate for accidentally killing the raccoon in our garage door 6 weeks ago. my sister put the raccoon toy in his car window on easter morning. there's a church down the street from our house & the churchgoers were looking quite confused when they walked by and saw a raccoon head coming out of his window. needless to say, he was quite startled and almost fell over laughing. 

slackage

i went to breakfast with a high school buddy michael this morning at a local dive called sarkis that makes ridiculously greasy sandwiches called lorettas. that's completely irrelevant. michael asked me what i do with all of my days off, and i really didn't have a good answer for him. i tried to make it sound interesting, but it's a tough thing to mask. and let's be serious, most days are far from interesting. busy? sometimes. lazy? sometimes. interesting? not so much. michael asked me what i was doing for the rest of the day, and so i told him what i thought my plan was - after a turkey panini at home, i'll go to the gym to stretch and run 5-6 miles, go in the sauna, and then drive into the city for monday night tutoring. that's a pretty decent/busy afternoon/evening. but it didn't quite pan out like that. 

all times are approximate

11:36am - came home and situated myself at the kitchen counter

11:38am - opened female roommate's new macbook to start emailing. opened my old powerbook to start downloading some music 

11:44am - my female roommate leaves to go shopping with her friend. i say goodbye to the female roommate. 

12:12pm - make turkey panini and add some cholula hot sauce. then eat pomegranate berry yogurt. 

12:33pm - wander over to the dining room and had approximately 112 jelly beans (not 111 or 113...112. i curse my stupid OCD-like tendencies). starburst jelly beans are officially the most addictive food in the world (behind corn dogs, of course). 

12:41pm - i email erica p**** of milwaukee, wisconsin. she is selling me a ticket for tomorrow night's wilco concert off craigslist (yes, i said ticket without an 's,' which means i am going by myself). she says to meet her at 6pm in the lobby of her office, the milwaukee journal sentinel. i google ms p**** and find her linkedin profile. i find out that she graduated from stanford in '01, worked as a summer intern for toyota during her college years, taught at marymount high school for 2 years, then got a masters from usc in journalism. now she is a reporter in milwaukee. i am not a stalker. i was simply testing technology and seeing how ridiculously easy it is to find info on people online. she put that info out there...it will be found. i then found her picture on facebook. i swear i'm not a creep. i was just bored. 

12:54pm - i discover that espn.com has launched espnchicago.com. this excites me greatly. i wish i had thought of that & realize that in the last however many months of being retired in the land of lincoln that i should have come up with at least one decent business idea. 

12:58pm - i am still digesting my food. i decide i'll go to the gym at 2pm

12:59pm-1:15pm - no recollection of this 15 minute gap

1:16pm - i turn on WGN chicago to watch the cubs opening game at wrigley field. it is miserable outside and the game is delayed by cold, windy rain. instead of showing a wet field with tarp on it, they show highlights from the 2008 season. 

1:18pm - they show highlights from carlos zambrano's no-hitter from september. 

1:19pm - as i watch the cubs celebrate the no-hitter, i realize that sports celebrations are hilarious. how often do you see grown men jump up and down while they trying to create a giant 40-person man-hug. seriously, these guys look like idiots standing in place jumping up and down while smothering Big Z. but i love it. 

 1:22pm - carter reminds me that i could have been one of the Navy SEALS who snipered the 3 somali pirates over the weekend. he's right...i am a failure. training to be a SEAL is so much sweeter than trying to dunk. i've made a terrible mistake. 

1:23pm-2:26pm - i have absolutely no idea what happened during this hour period. i do know that i did not even think of going for the 2pm gym trip, but i can't say for sure if this was a conscious decision. 

2:27pm - rain delay over. cubs game starts. i start cheering as the cubs take the field...and realize i am by myself and there is no need for cheering. 

2:29pm - i'm not going to the gym. i'll run on the treadmill in the basement at 3pm

2:42pm - i call dave's record shop in lincoln park to see if he has a record in stock. he does not. i hang up. i call another record place in evanston. no dice either. i feel dejected. 

2:52pm - watching the cubs while still sitting at the kitchen island, i read more about the IDIOT who was mauled by a polar bear.  

this woman baffles me. she JUMPED IN a polar bear pool and SWAM TOWARDS the polar bears. can you get any more stupid than that? no. was she trying to cuddle with them and pose for a pic? maybe she sewed polar bear snuggies for them and wanted to try them on. she's lucky she wasn't eaten alive. 

3:01pm - i discover another polar bear attack from a few years back. you would think that this would be the only polar bear attack, but nope...a stupid aussie woman was attacked by a polar bear, too. the best part about this idiot is that she actually said "i saw this bear that was asleep and it looked so innocent. it didn't even occur to me that it would be vicious." as Gob Bluth would say, COME ON!

3:06pm - i should have started running 6 minutes ago. reading about polar bear attacks is more fun. 

3:10pm - i receive an email from the director of the tutoring program to remind us that tutoring is from 6-7:30pm. iowjdiofj*&$(*$(*#$weihfj9ihe9r@#&$*&^*&@#e89rueiojfd. i forgot about tutoring. 

3:19pm - i try a diet rite black cherry pop. i didn't know diet rite was still in existence. it is decent...medium-good at best. wouldn't tell anyone to buy one. 

3:24pm - i'll go for my run at 3:30....finish by 4:15, shower, and leave for tutoring by 4:50

3:31pm - how about i run at 3:45, finish by 4:30, shower, and leave for tutoring by 5

3:48pm - um no. that won't work. run at 4, finish by 4:45, quick shower, and leave by 5:10. it's ok if i'm a few minutes late to tutoring

3:51pm - cubs are winning! i yell again at the tv

3:55pm - still at the kitchen island. i should get my running shoes on.

3:56pm - or not

3:58pm - i email the tutoring lady and tell her i will not be at tutoring tonight. i do not give a reason for my absence. i simply say i am not going. she can't ask questions that way. why am i not going? 

4:00pm - i don't have to tutor...so i guess i can put off my run until 5 or 6pm. this is excellent. what a great day. 

4:16pm - i look at the virtual golf course tour of a course we are playing in vermont on june 20th for a little event called the GCO. i actually spend about 12 minutes reading the hole descriptions, studying each hole, and mapping out my shots on each hole in my head. i realize this is quite pathetic, considering this is over 2 months away and i currently cannot bend my broken pinky finger, let alone think about picking up a golf club

4:37pm - i call my male roommate at work to tell him ted lilly of the cubs has only given up one walk through 6 innings. i do not use the words "no" and "hits" in the sentence so i don't jinx him. 

4:45pm - ted lilly gives up a hit. the no-hitter bid is over. i tell myself that i didn't jinx him, but deep down i feel guilty and curse myself for calling my male roommate despite not saying "no-hitter" 

5:23pm - i eat yet another yogurt

5:25pm - i am browsing through the chicago tribune and discover an article called "record store day set to spin on saturday" - what a tremendous discovery...national record store day! what a great idea. discounts on everything vinyl at over 1,000 record shops throughout the country. i get excited and then realize i can only share this exciting news with my 2 friends who also own record players and love vinyl. 

5:32pm - cubs win! cubs win!

5:41pm - um yeah that run is not going to happen today. 

6pm - my female roommate comes home and asks me how the gym was. i tell her i didn't go. she then asks why i am not at tutoring. i tell her i didn't go. why? just because. i then confess that i basically have not left the kitchen counter in over 6 hours. she laughs and says "thank god you are going back to school." thanks, roomie. 

it is now 7:58pm. it's time to leave the kitchen island and eat dinner. 

april fools sagemania

i woke up this morning to an email from carter with the subject "helpful hint" & the following clues:

(31)(42)(21)(32)(25)(16)(24)(8)(9)(7)(39)(23)(1)(30)(11)(22)(41)(43)(6)(14)(36)(29)(18)(13)(4)(40)(34)(28)(15)(12)(3)(19)(5)(2),(44)(35)(37)(21)(10)(38)(33)(26)(17)(20)

i grabbed my list of clues that i've been keeping track of for the last 4 months and started to transcribe the hints...this is what i came up with:

i was pretty confused when i finished writing out the letters because at first glance they make no sense. at all. i noticed the comma towards the end and focused on the last 10 letters. 

SLOOFLIRPA

and then it clicked.

SLOOFLIRPA

=

APRILFOOLS

it's backwards. 

APRIL FOOLS, YOU REALLY THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS SERIOUS. 

the giant mindscrew puzzle was finally solved...and it was just that - a giant mindscrew. the months worth of clues (48 in all) were one big april fools joke. i. am. such. a. sucker. 

well done, carter. you were victorious. 

day 1 of violin...and more

i had my first violin lesson today with Mr Gabriel Hwang. the man is incredible. he was playing while i was sitting in the lobby & it was unbelievable. so we sit down & he is very excited to have a new student. the man is clearly passionate about the violin and has played in orchestras all over the world. before we start playing, he wants to test my ears. he tells me he is going to play some recognizable songs and then suddenly stop and i have to sing, yes sing, the next note. i don't sing, i tell him. he laughs. he plays the star spangled banner. i sing the correct note. he plays amazing grace. i sing the next note. boom. two in a row. c'mon hwang that's too easy. he starts playing something and i have no idea what it is & i tell him this. he laughs and excitedly says "love me tender!! oh my goodness. elvis presley - love me tender! one of my favorites." sorry gabe. no dice. he played a few more songs and i sang every note (it felt extremely awkward singing in front of another man, by the way). he said "mr brendan you have perfect pitch." mr gabriel, no i dont, but thank you. 

we spent a good amount of time learning how to hold the bow correctly. he wanted me to place one finger on the bow at a time. when i learned this, he made me do it 5 times. i felt like a 2 year old being taught how to hold a spoon. then we went over the notes (which i knew...what up hwang). then we went over playing each string for awhile and mastering playing a clean note ("no squeakies," says mr gabriel). he kept telling me "LOVE THE STRING!!" as i played. 

i played. i loved the string. 

overall, the lesson went well. he said we accomplished 3 weeks of beginner lessons in one half hour session. not bad. afterwards, i went to the gym to go for a run and use the sauna. my usual gym routine consists of shooting hoops for 30 minutes, stretching, and then running/lifting/sauna/etc. i was shooting hoops and a bunch of guys who play in regular pick-up games on mon/tues/thurs at 4:30pm were there (sad that i know their pick-up game schedules in the first place). i started to shoot around and they asked if i wanted to play. this was a very exciting moment in my life. i have been shooting hoops there 3-4x a week for over 4 months and this was the first time i've ever been asked to play with the big boys. i felt like rudy finally getting his chance to play in a real game. it was very exciting. i've been watching these guys play for months and i know who's good and who's not.  team lost the first game 25-21 but i played well and chipped in 4 pts and a few offensive rebounds. the guy guarding me had a big gut and couldn't keep up so i took advantage of that. but at one point during the game i went up for a rebound and jammed my left pinky finger on the ball. it hurt, but i shook it off and kept playing. 

there is a 6'7 guy at the gym who i have never particularly liked. i've never met him nor do i know anything about him. he just has this look of arrogance that i can't stand. he thinks he is the man, always wears wife-beaters, and i was thrilled when he joined the 2nd game on the other team. on the first possession they threw it in to him inside and he put up a fake on his slow and extremely out of shape defender and went up for a layup. jumpsoles sagemania came in outta nowhere and blocked his shot. WHAT UP TALL COCKY MAN WHO I HAVE NEVER LIKED. take that. he was so pissed.  two possessions later he got the ball down low again on the right post. he faked inside with his right and then switched to his left and dribbled the other way. i came up from behind, stole the ball, dribbled down the court and hit my teammate on a 2-1 fastbreak. we came back from 10 down to win by 3. 

the third game was a real battle. we were down 8 but came back to go up 23-19 (each game to 25). i went up high for a defensive rebound, grabbed the ball, and my own teammate came over my back and tried to grab the ball...and that's when i heard my left pinky crack. it did not sound good and it hurt like hell. i wanted to keep playing, but it hurt too much so i sat out. i went up to the trainer a few minutes later and she told me it's either dislocated or broken. well, this is just great. within an hour of finishing my first violin lesson, i might have a broken finger. i drove to my male roommate's office to get it checked out. the x-ray technician left for the day so i didn't get an x-ray, but my roommate thinks i have a fracure. now it's in a splint for at least 2 weeks. so i guess that puts my violin career on hold. and no golfing.