tiger's back

last night i went to the driving range and when i got there i opened my trunk and realized that my golf clubs were not there. i was less than pleased. i turned around, went home, and had a giant bowl of ice cream. 

this morning i went back to the driving range and remembered my golf clubs this time. now i am on the couch watching tiger woods make his 2009 comeback and i do not plan on getting up off the couch for the next 4 hours. 

long way to go

i've been using the jumpsoles for about a month now. when i was at duke over the weekend i thought it would be a good idea to see how close i am to touching the rim. NOT CLOSE. i suck at jumping. watching this video makes me cringe at how white i am. i have improved my vertical 2 or 3 inches so far & am only about 3 inches from touching the rim, but i have to get another 9 or 10 inches before i can even think of trying to dunk.

200 days

apologies for being MIA this past week. i wish i could say i was busy, but let's face it. you all know that would be a complete lie. 

today is actually my 200th day of retirement. congratulations to myself. it seems like one giant blur. 

the best thing about retirement is that my schedule is wide open every single day. the world is my oyster. i don't have to worry about taking vacation days or anything like that. so on friday morning, my friend jeff called and said he might have an extra ticket for the duke vs wake forest game in durham, NC on sunday night. he asked if i would be interested in going. um let me check my work schedule...hell yes. i'll be there in a second. so i put a flight on hold and waited to hear back about the extra ticket. later that afternoon jeff called back with the good news and i booked the ticket for 7am sunday and returning at 10:30am monday. i set my alarm for 4:30am on sunday and have no recollection of turning off both of my alarms. thank god my male roommate was awake and he came in and made sure i was awake...otherwise i would have missed the flight (he was throwing up in the bathroom...he claims it was from "bad chili" that my female roommate made). we made it down to durham and were in cameron indoor stadium an hour before tip-off. the crowd was electric as it was a huge battle between #9 duke and #8 wake forest. it was a pretty unreal game, with both teams scoring on 41 of 49 possessions at one point in the 2nd half, and the dukies prevailed 101-91. 24 hours after arriving in NC, we were back at the airport to fly back to chi-town. 

i'm really getting used to this whole retirement thing. 

trey anastasio, lead singer of phish, walked onto our shuttle bus at the airport and i creepily took this picture of him

an american tragedy

i am not one to provide any social commentary about what is going on in the world, but with everything going on i'm afraid i can't keep my thoughts in for any longer. the economy is in shambles and our new president is battling enormous odds while trying to prevent the country from going into a deeper recession. thousands of americans are losing their jobs every day. it's very scary and very real. a plane crashed in buffalo last night killing 50 people. thousands of US guns went 'missing' in afghanistan as thousands of our troops are representing their country while fighting in afghanistan and iraq. these are all harsh realities of today's world that are frankly quite troubling. however, there is one story that has been completely overlooked. it is a tragic story - a true american tragedy. yesterday was one of the saddest days in american history. while the house & senate picked apart the new economic stimulus plan yesterday afternoon, i wept when i found out mandy moore is engaged to ryan adams. this is the most devastating news i think i have ever heard. say what you want about mandy moore, but she is a sweet, sweet angel. she is a true beauty and she has had my heart for approximately 6.2 years. if you have seen american classic films such as a walk to remember, chasing liberty, because i said so, and license to wed then you know exactly what i am talking about. now i love ryan adams and his music, but he is batshit crazy. my old roommate greg saw him play in boston a few years ago and he said something like "hey man can you count me in? i cant...say...say... that number...if i count in...i'm...i'm...i'm gonna freak out. i'm gonna freak...freak the shit out." supposedly, he is sober and off drugs now but i still have no idea why mandy moore would want to date a crazy person. also, ryan adams looks like rick moranis from ghostbusters . he also has the ability to look like a pilgrim. they dont even look happy together. i wish mandy and her fiance the best, but deep down i can't help but feel intense sadness. she will always be the one who got away. 

burglar in the house?

i woke up around 9, went to the bathroom wearing only boxers, and while i was washing my hands i heard a noise coming from my parents room. i thought to myself, "this isnt right they should both be at work." so i went into my bedroom and grabbed a sand wedge (girls, that is a golf club...you've got a lot of growing up to do). i walked ever so quietly down the hall to my parents room & pushed the door open with the handle of the club. the bedroom was clear. i tip-toed over to the bathroom and pushed the door open quietly again. clear. i walked back and noticed that the door to my parents walk-in closet was closed. so i creeped up and had the club extended with my right hand ready to pummel the intruder...i quickly opened the door with my left hand and to my surprise my dad turned around and SCREAMED. he was getting dressed for work (thank god he wasn't nakey). i was so startled and mad that i was yelled "why the hell are you still here!!" and he yells back, clearly still startled and somewhat angry, "because i live here!! it's my house!!" my heart was still racing and i stormed out of the room and threw the sand wedge on the floor of my bedroom. i came out and as much as i wanted to stay mad for being freaked out, i burst out laughing. he came out of his room after he finished getting dressed and we laughed so hard that we were almost in tears. good thing i didnt swing the club. 

when i came home tonight i heard him yell from the other room, "don't swing! put the club down"

i'm never having kids

my cousin mike & his wife mindy invited me over for dinner last night. when i talked to mindy on the phone last week she said it would be great to catch up and give her kids (ages 8, 6, and 2) a chance to hang out & play with me for a bit. i don't see them except for the holidays, so i thought it would be a nice way to see them and catch up, etc. i had an early lunch since i figured we would be having a big dinner. when i got there the kids (aidan, kennedy, & quinn) were running around like maniacs. within 5 minutes of arriving, mindy was writing out instructions with bedtimes for each kid, where the pajamas were, where the DIAPERS are. what the hell? she duped the shit out of me. i wasn't their dinner guest...i was their babysitter. mindy sandbagged me. i can't even describe how confused and startled i was. before i could even digest it all, mike told me there was a frozen pizza in the freezer. awesome...thanks cuz! best dinner invitation ever. mike & mindy left about 6:08pm and all i could think about was when i would get a chance to eat. quinn's bedtime is 7:30 and 8pm for the other two kids. with their energy and constant need for attention, i knew there would be no chance of eating before 8. this was not good. no food for 2 year old = cranky kid. no food for 24 year old = cranky brendan. add screaming kids to that equation and i thought my head was going to explode. after 12 minutes i already surpassed my average daily word output. i usually don't talk too much during the day because i rarely hang out with other humans, but with 3 kids you are forced to talk. my voice felt scratchy and now it's hurting from too much talking yesterday. the kid in the picture, quinn, was a lot of fun for awhile. we listened to "she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes" (which makes absolutely no sense when you think about it) about 14 times and jumped on pillows and had balloon fights. but when 7:30 rolled around i mentioned bedtime and quinn screamed bloody murder.  for the next 86 minutes i listened to him scream "HIDE MOMMY DADDY HIDE MOMMY DADDY" every time i tried to talk to him or calm him down, he screamed louder. he refused to go to bed. he refused to stop crying. he refused to stop screaming at the top of his lungs. i'm still not sure if he meant i was hiding his mommy and daddy or if he wanted to hide from mommy and daddy. at 8:29pm CST the situation escalated and i had no idea what to do that quinn started screaming and telling me to call mommy and daddy, so i did. i felt horrible. they answered and said they would be home in 20 minutes. 

i had a hard enough time keeping track of 3 kids that i kept thinking about the crazy idiot lady in california who just gave birth to 8 kids. she is a single mother with 14 kids and she is f-ing out of her mind. she should be sent to a psych ward. 

 

a new low?

yesterday carter, micah, and myself emailed back and forth all day. we hit the 100 email mark before lunchtime, the 200 email mark before dinner, and finished with 309 total emails for the day. other than debating whether or not barry bonds is guilty or not & keira knightley, i have no idea what we talked about, but we really went after it. at the 228 email mark, i told my female roommate about this tremendous feat. she shook her head (probably in disgust). i think she's really proud of me. 

diet wild cherry pepsi is liquid crack

as this weekend marks the 6th anniversary of my plunge into retirement, i thought it would be fitting to note what i have accomplished (nothing) this week. the past two days have been truly special. i've spent over 25 hours on my couch as my body has been getting pummeled by a flu/head cold bug. i feel like crap, which has been a great excuse to be a complete waste of life. i have not showered since tuesday. thank god for hbo & showtime - they have really enriched my life. recap of what i have watched...

wednesday:

5 episodes of dexter

4 episodes of the wire

LOST

thursday:

forrest gump

once

the duchess

(break for drool nap on the couch)

scent of a woman (possibly the greatest movie of all time)

2 curb your enthusiasm episodes

blades of glory (very underrated)

also, i saw gym girl at the gym on monday. i called her the wrong name. her name is kristin. i called her katie. she kept walking. i blew it. this is why i am single and live with my parents. there is still time to redeem myself and take her out for a large pie from giordano's (pauly knows what that's all about). 

unfortunately, i was forced to watch this angela lansbury youtube video