retirement...again

i am retiring from my blogging career, effectively immediately. may be persuaded back with a tempting offer. 

movie marathon tuesday

my friend catherine from high school is taking the semester off from law school and also has some free time.  this is the gchat conversation i had with her on monday night, 11/17/08:

catherine: we should grab lunch - or maybe have another movie marathon

me: love that idea

c: i'm serious. i mean it's not like we're busy

me: um yes

me: why don't we do this - we'll rent a bunch of movies, start early, and instead of going out to dinner we can just order in so we don't have to move

c: yes! 

me: now the question is when are we doing this

c: i am available now haha

me: tues and thurs are best for me

c: is tomorrow tuesday?

me: HA. yes it is

c: because i am available tomorrow

me: well that's funny because i'm also available tomorrow

c: haha. your place or mine?

i'm going to catherine's house now for the day. will report back on this great day tomorrow. 

special guest at tutoring

i just found out that rapper Twista ('overnight celebrity') is the 'special guest' at tutoring tonight. 

is he going to be reading to the kids? no. helping them with their math? nope. 

instead, he will be playing video games with the kids. well that's just a genius idea!!!! why help kids with their reading and math when they can play video games with a gangster rapper?!?!  is that because he can't read? 

goal for the week

i'm going to do something i haven't done in a long time: set a goal for the week. this week's goal is to learn this lisa loeb song on guitar and memorize all of the words. 

treadmill 1 brendan 0

have you ever seen someone off the treadmill?  it's one of the funniest things to witness firsthand. i always laugh and think to myself wow what an idiot how could they let that happen. well, today i was that guy. about 3 minutes into my run i tripped on my shoelace and wiped the heck out. i tried to catch myself - i reached out to the handlebars but before i knew it the moving treadmill threw sucked me right off.  i'm sure at least 8 people saw this, but i was too embarassed to even look up and make eye contact. i got back on and kept running...and i looked dead straight ahead. 

also, since i already embarassed myself i should add some commentary about my gym 'preparation.' my town isn't really full of many single, attractive females between the ages of 21 and 26 who live at home with their roommates (parents). so whenever i actually have the chance to see an attractive girl, well i have to at least try to look decent. most people who go to the gym on saturday mornings probably just roll out of bed and show up. i did not. i showered and shaved before i went even though i knew i would be sweating profusely 32 minutes later. so yes, i was hoping to see some attractive females but the 6 that live in my town didn't show up. poor me. 

jazzy stop eating your back hair

as you know, my golden retriever jazzy is kinda dying.  she has a huge tumor near her spleen, she is deafer than deaf, and it takes her about 38 seconds to sit down and stand up. every morning i walk into the kitchen and can't help but think she is dead.  she doesn't move when i turn the light on. she doesn't move when i tap my foot on the floor. she doesn't move when i yell "jazzy!" she lays in a spot where i can only see her head sticking out, asleep on the floor, and i can't tell if she is breathing. every day i think to myself "oh not today, jazzy. i have to play golf or watch lost...i don't have time to deal with a dead dog." anyway, her new thing is biting the fur OUT of her back (see above). it's disgusting. that's her flesh. dog flesh is so gross. now i know why they have fur. i could barely take this picture without gagging. she keeps biting more chunks out too and i find them on the kitchen floor. sometimes i find her with her back hair hanging from her mouth. oh, right jazz, that must taste really good. what does it taste like? an HD? could you imagine biting your own hair off your body? it's gross. that's all i have to say about that.  

TheCanned.com

a buddy of mine from BC was recently laid off from his job in NYC.  we had dinner a few weeks ago in chicago and we were talking about how great the freedom is to not have a job and how we can do whatever we want.  i told him about the blog and he told me about the website he is starting called TheCanned.com.  his site is for people who have been laid off (unlike me...i prefer quitting).  i saw him again this past weekend and he told me how they have spent 2 grand on the site and are having a professional web designer create the site.  pretty wild...should be fun to see it when it's up and running...

today i am going to get a haircut and drive down to Valpo to visit my buddy jeff who is in grad school there.  we are going to karaoke at a college bar tonight.  nothing more exciting than hanging out with indiana locals.  last night i watched 'the last kiss' (by myself) with zach braff and rachel bilson.  it wasn't my favorite chick flick, but it was good.  kinda depressing though.  i don't recommend watching it if your significant other recently cheated on you...just some sage advice for ya

i'm old greg!

i saw this for the first time on sunday and i have been laughing about it since.  it is the most bizarre/creepiest video, but i secretly love it. you ever drunk bailey's from a shoe?  

veterans day = friends to hang out with! actual humans!

i think i am finally recovered from BC/ND weekend. that really did a number on the good ol body.  

today was a great day.  two buddies had off from work because of veterans day, so for once i actually had humans to talk to during daylight hours! it was a nice change of pace from talking to my deaf dog. i'm only slightly embarassed to admit that nick, pat, and i had a sleepover last night. it was really cute. in a good way. for the 3rd time in a week i woke up and saw a woman staring at me while i slept.  although it wasn't a person.  it was a globe. the other day a poster turned into a crowd of people watching me. it's really bizarre...methinks i'm going crazy. but that's another story. we had a ridiculously unhealthy breakfast at a favorite local dive called sarkis. this place was shut down in high school because it violated basically every health violation known to man and also because the employees were selling drugs. very classy joint. i really don't know how it ever got reopened. they have this sandwich called the loretta that undoubtedly has to contribute to clogged arteries. it tastes delicious, but within minutes it feels like you have a 12 lb. weight in your stomach and it is lined with acid and porcupine spikes. nausea sets in about 4-7 minutes after consumption. i still feel awful 9 hours later. afterwards, we went and played golf even though it was 35 degrees and windy. we were the only people on the entire course, which was great. it wasn't too bad until it started sleeting/hailing ice on the 13th hole.  it.was.so.cold. i plan on doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the night and starting a fire. maybe drink some hot chocolate. maybe watch a movie. but i am definitely not doing anything that requires energy. 

12th hole

tee shot at the 12th...winter hat + long underwear + 4 layers

ice on the 18th green

i applied to med school today. not really, but kind of.

i realize that many people don't know what i actually do on a daily basis.  the truth is that i don't really know what i do on a daily basis, so i thought i would recap my day.  today i woke up at 9:42am, on my own. i found my deaf golden retriever jazzy laying outside my door when i woke up. we walked downstairs and i let her outside to use the facilities, also known as the backyard. when jazzy was able to actually hear, i would open up the backdoor and say "go to your spot" and jazzy would go #1 and/or #2 in the same exact spot every single time. it was like magic. we put some rocks on the right side of the yard near the fence and without a doubt she would go to the bathroom in the same 3x3 area every time. now, she just pees wherever the hell she wants. i really took her magical peeing ability in the same spot for granted over the years. i went out to throw the tennis ball to her this morning and found myself dodging steps to avoid you know what. stupid dog. then i went inside to pour myself a bowl of cereal - special k with yogurt - but noooo. we ran out. so i had to settle for crispix, which i was less than thrilled about. then i ate a yogurt (cherry vanilla...new favorite). then i checked my email for awhile and avoided exercise and going for the run that i had planned and drank a diet cherry coke.  or was it a diet coke with cherry. is there a difference? i'm not sure. diet cherry coke used to have an awesome design on the can, but diet coke with cherry is boring and looks like regular diet coke. then i applied for medical school. really. i did. but it wasn't for me. my idiot friend who lives in DC realized that the loyola chicago application was due tomorrow, so he had me print out all of the forms, find scissors, cut out his picture, find glue, glue his picture to Form C (the picture above is Form C...and it's what i sent to my buddy when i was doing this crap for him...i told him i was busy and couldn't do it but he was like sage you dont have a job you have time...busted), then fill out the supplemental application, then print out the "addendum" to the supplemental application, then fake his signature on the med school forms.  then i went to the UPS store and spent $22.09 to overnight these forms to the med school on his behalf.  he owes me big time.  it was my first time applying to medical school, and i am very proud of myself.  then i drove to my cousin jaimie's house to visit her and her 3 kids.  she just had her 3rd baby 5 weeks ago.  her kids are named maggie, molly, and maeve.  the girls are awesome and i played with them for about 2 hours.  lesson i learned: do not have kids for at least 7 years...they are more work than i ever imagined.  at one point jaimie went to the bathroom and i was with maggie and molly in the kitchen (3 years and 18 months).  i was talking to maggie and the next thing i knew molly was gone.  i ran in the other room and she was climbing up the stairs.  fortunately, jaimie grabbed her but in her head she was probably like brendan you are an idiot i left you alone for 42 seconds and my child could have fallen down the stairs and broke her neck.  i did steal some of maggie's halloween candy.  i'm not sure if she noticed.  then i drove home.  it was raining.  jason mraz's "i'm yours" came on and i spent 4 minutes trying to harmonize with the song.  i did a pretty good job.  i basically sound just like him.  then i came home, gave my dog a treat, and emailed some more.  then i laid on the couch for about 8 minutes and stared at the ceiling.  then i went to dinner with my friend's mom. hot date. a guy came up and asked if we were married.  dead serious.  my friend's mom replied "ummm yes i'm a cougar!" i cannot fully stress how uncomfortable this made me feel at the moment.  then she asked the bartender, stephanie, if she had a boyfriend because she thought she might want to go on a date with me.  i was petrified.  fortunately, stephanie has a boyfriend. i came home and watched part of the virginia tech/maryland game and talked to my roommate (mother). we talked about how my sister is on a 'date' with a guy who is from liverpool, england.  i called her the other night and said "so when this guy from liverpool wants to hold your hand does he start singing beatles songs and sing 'i wanna hold your haaaaaaaaand.'" she was not pleased and hung up.  they saw a movie. i wonder what movie they saw. then i received a drunk dial from someone who reads this blog that lives in conshohocken, pennsylvania. i talked to him for 8 minutes and then packed for boston. i'm leaving for the airport in 5 hours.  that is pretty much my day.  goodnight. 

too good not to post...

this has nothing to do with my retirement or the great life that i am living, but it is definitely worth posting...

and i thought i was bored...

joe sabia is able to cheek whistle the super mario brothers theme song...

FAQs

some people have been asking me questions lately about my retirement.  here are some of the questions i received and my responses

Q: your blog has been going on for over a month now.  are you really still unemployed? 

A: i'm retired, you prick. back off.  

Q: shouldn't you get a job?

A: no. 

Q: do you want to get a job?

A: next question. 

Q: don't you feel like you are wasting your life by not working and just watching Lost?

A: not at all.  i love my life. how is your cubicle today?  go away. 

Q: it sounds like your life is a joke. don't you have any aspirations? do you ever feel worthless. 

A: i hate you. 

Q: what do you eat for lunch usually? 

A: most days i have either a pepper turkey sandwich or a chicken lime burger from trader joe's. they are delicious.  i usually make these into paninis. sometimes i make 2 chicken burgers and i make it a double chicken burger panini. sometimes i put a slice of bread in between the burgers. sometimes i don't. usually i put some spicy brown mustard and a little bit of ketchup on the burgers. if i have turkey, i put a little bit of spicy brown mustard.  ketchup does not taste very good on turkey. i also have a banana, yogurt, granola bar, and a diet coke for lunch. my dog watches me eat every day and when we make eye contact she looks to her box of treats in the hopes that i will give her one, but i usually look away and keep eating. 

Q: how many paninis do you eat per week?

A: between 7-10. 

Q: how many yogurts do you eat a week? 

A: between 20 and 30. my roommates get mad because i eat all of the yogurt. 

Q: how many times per week do you go pick up the dry cleaning for your roommates? 

A: 2-3. it's really annoying. i hate having a chore to do. 

Q: what have you done today? 

A: i called comcast because the internet wasn't working and i was pissed that i couldn't watch Lost online. i talked to 4 different people.  i got disconnected from 3 of those 4 people and had to call back. i was not pleased. i was on the phone for almost 2 hours.  then i found out that comcast is not our internet provider.  WTF. comcast is only our cable provider.  wowway is our internet provider. what the hell is wowway?  who names their company wowway? i told the lady i really need to see episode 10 of lost because amanda said it's "heartwarming" and that she needed to fix my internet as soon as humanly possible. 

Q: what time do you usually shower at each day?

A: if i shower, it's generally between 4-6pm. 

feel free to submit more questions.  i will respond to them within 6-12 business days.  

new Lost characters

Bubolo = Boone

m.zach definitely fits the role of boone.  they are both all-american type guys who are very likable.  zach has the good looks of boone and muscular physique, although to my knowledge he does not have a really hot step-sister who he is secretly in love with and had relations with in australia.  zach is australian and probably has some hot australian cousins though.  boone is curious and brave as he embarks into the jungle with locke in attempts to open up the hatch. he shows great determination and an eagerness to learn from locke.  he risked his life by climbing the tree and attempting to use the old plane radio to call and signal for help.  zach would surely have done the same thing - he is a natural leader.  zach is an avid Lost fan and is counting down the days til season 5, even though his character is dead.  

Meg Butler = Juliet

meg is really excited to be cast as juliet because she gets to make out with jack.  meg works at mass general and juliet is a well known fertility doctor. juliet was caught stealing medicine from the hospital. meg also steals medicine from the hospital, but she is sneaky and has not been caught yet. meg and juliet also share the same flowing golden hair. they both have sisters, although meg did not impregnate sarah by sticking her with a needle in the stomach every day. at least not yet.